ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
