ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
