Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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