Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
