I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
