I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I AM VODKA MAN
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
