I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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