i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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