i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
