I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
