What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
