my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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