you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
