i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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