I am puke
they need to just BURY HIM!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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