i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
