i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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