i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
