Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
