Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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