I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
