if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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