Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
