Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
