Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
