i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
