Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
