I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
