So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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