I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so that wasnt chicken after all
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
