I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
