I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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