yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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