My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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