Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
