Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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