Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
