end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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