wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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