my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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