JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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