fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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