So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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