We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
