i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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