people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
