Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
