Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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