Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
