I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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