Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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