Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
