even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
