I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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