You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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